Late Night Conversations

Sleep deprivation causes me to periodically confuse the real world with a dream world. If I don’t have an opportunity to regularly fall into a deep sleep, I’ll often wake up before the part of my brain that knows what is real and what isn’t wakes up. I don’t know that I’d call it talking in my sleep because I’m cognizant and am able to remember my ramblings and thought processes.

I have several memories of waking up in the middle of the night during my “stint” at Ft. Benning trying to figure out where the hell I was. Basic Training is not a good place for catching up on one’s sleep. Luckily these episodes didn’t turn into a blatantly obvious state of sleep-walking. The Army frowns on sleep-walking.

Little Bronnie’s middle-of-the-night feedings have brought on the same confusing half-asleep episodes in me as the drill sergeants who stomped up and down the barracks at 2am yelling and streaming together obscenities that really didn’t need to be streamed together to be effectively vulgar.

Last night’s conversation is a good example of how I function when I’m between worlds. I woke up poor Crystal about a half hour after I fed Bronwyn a bottle of milk at 3am.

Me: Was that last bottle of milk from the Pennsylvania DOT?

Crystal: What?

Me: Was that last bottle of milk from the Pennsylvania DOT?

Crystal: DOT?

Me: Yeah, the Department of Transportation

Crystal: Huh?

Me (frustrated she’s not answering my question): That last bottle of milk….

Crystal: ….yeah?

Me (pointing to Bronwyn); …the one I gave her 30 minutes ago…

Crystal: …okay…?

Me: Did it come from the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation?

Crystal (pausing a few seconds pass to consider the question): KEVIN, WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

Me: (thinking that tone is really unnecessary for such a simple question): What state did the milk come from?

Crystal: What state?

Me: Yes! State! What STATE did the last bottle of milk come from? What state?!

Crystal: ...Washington?

Me: …Washington? That doesn’t make any sense.

Crystal: No it doesn’t. Go to sleep, Kevin

At this point Crystal figures out I’m not 100% in the game and I start to doubt that Crystal is as dumb as she sounds right now. When we get to this stage of the discussions, I usually roll over to go back to sleep and hope Crystal forgets I ever started this ridiculous conversation by morning.

In my defense, I’ve been involved in a consuming project at work that focuses on State Department of Transportations across the country.

In Crystal’s defense, before last night we’ve never discussed getting Bronwyn’s food supply from the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation nor do I suspect the PADOT is in the business of supplying bottles of breast milk for infants in the Tacoma, Washington area

I’m looking forward to getting my nights of deep sleep back to avoid these awkward conversations.