My Water: Did it Break or Didn't it?
For about two weeks: January 17th to January 31 I had symptoms of fluid leaking. Especially at night when I would get up for one of my many bathroom breaks, I would feel a small gush of fluid. I chalked it up to incontinence except that it honestly didn't feel like I peed myself. You'd know the difference right? Overactive bladder versus fluid leaking?
After a week, I called the doctor on Friday late afternoon on January 23 to explain my symptoms. I beat myself up that I didn't call sooner. But I really didn't want to go in, get tested and be told I was peeing myself. And of course, they ordered me in for tests to make sure my amniotic fluid was intact/hadn't ruptured (in other words, to make sure my water didn't break).
So after work, I picked up Kevin and we made a mad dash to NW Hospital. The tests were negative and they sent us home. I had been peeing myself after all. Find me a rock- I wanted to crawl under it smile.
The Checkup the Next Day:
Thursday, January 29 I had my checkup with the doctor. I mentioned my symptoms and she was aware I had gone to the hospital for tests. She showed me a roll of skinny yellow fabric-like tape. It was to detect the external presence of amniotic fluid. If present, the strip would change from yellow to gray-blue. She tore me off a small strip and said to use it, for my "peace of mind," the next time I suspected I was leaking fluid.The visit also included another final ultrasound and my first physical exam since the beginning of the pregnancy- everything was looking great. The baby's head was quite low and in position (not breech- whew!), and all the measurements appeared to be on track for 37 weeks. Plus we were now officially "full-term" at which point the baby could come any time. We left the office and the doctor mentioned to us "I think it's going to be soon, I have a feeling..."
That afternoon, back at the office, I finished part 1 of 2 of a report a few days early. Unusual for me. I sent an email to my boss stipulating the "plan" while I was gone and asked for her feedback and revisions. I also completed, signed and printed out my time sheet and left it on my desk. I'm usually late with my time sheet, not early. There was a small voice at the back of my head "Might as well. Just in case." I was betting on early the following week.
That Evening at Home:
At home that evening, I felt the urge to clean but then realized I had better take a bath and finish the parenting book I had started earlier in the week: Mothering Without A Map. I spent a couple hours reading in the tub and assuaged my guilt with the reminder that our hospital bags had been packed, the house was clean, there really wasn't much nesting to do.We had plans for the upcoming weekend. I was to spend the night at my folks Fri/Sat while Kevin put on a final coat of paint in our bedroom. He also had a long list of other projects he wanted to accomplish before the baby came. I planned to work on the bird mobile at my Mom's and the window seat cushion for the nursery. We were close to the finish line- 3 weeks left.
Is it Yellow or is it Blue?
Thursday night I woke up around 1:30 am/2 am and felt the same sensation- a small gush of fluid leaking as I walked to the bathroom. In my fog, I remembered to use the strip and stared at it. It became a darker yellow... so I left it on the counter and waddled back to bed.Around 5:30 am I woke up again for another trip to the bathroom. And on a whim, I looked over at the strip I used earlier and the tip of it was faintly blue. What the heck?! So I tore the blue tip off and tested again. Bailey, the dog, came into the bathroom , sat at my feet and stared at me while I stared at the strip . Was it blue? Was it gray? Did it just get darker? Bailey- what do you think? For 10 minutes I sat there and stared and debated the merits of dark yellow versus gray-blue. You'd think the two colors would be starkly different. They're not.
I got up, waddled back to the bedroom and flipped on the light, asking Kevin "Is it blue or yellow?" He threw the covers over his head in clear protest. I pulled them back down and shoved the strip in front of his eyes, 'I'm serious, is it blue or yellow?" Then he proceeded to stare at it, pondering yellow vs blue for the next ten minutes. Then we decided to call the on-call number- it was most definitely on the blue-gray side of the color spectrum than on the yellow side.
The nurse paged the doctor who then called us back. Yes, we want you to go in. Yes, now. No, not after 5pm. No don't go to work first. Come straight here.
Oh. My. Gaw.
We then proceeded to email our respective workplaces and then jumped out of bed like bats out of hell. Dogs out to go potty. Feed them. Take showers. Where's my shoes? Clothes. Don't forget the car seat. Grab more clean clothes from the laundry basket "just in case." Pager chargers!!!
But at the same time, we both expected to go into work an hour late. We've had false alarms before and didn't seriously consider we'd come home with a baby. We were going through the motions without any serious conviction that the next time we'd come home would be with a baby.
Well maybe I did have a slight suspicion because I made the bed. I never make the bed. And I wanted to come home to a made bed. What the heck?
The Hospital:
We arrived at the hospital in 45 minutes, there was absolutely zero traffic on the freeway. They hooked me up to the non-stress-test machine and used the same yellow tape to test for external presence of fluid "It's blue." Well wow- that's why they go to nursing school so they can proclaim in less than a second what took me and Kevin 20 minutes to figure out. Yes it was blue. Then the internal exam took place and they sent off the specimens to the lab.And pending the results, they'd call the doctor back and "go from there..." based on what the doctor wanted to do next.
You're Not Leaving Until You Have A Baby:
Still, Kevin and I had no idea what was in store. The tests came back- I was definitely leaking fluid and my water had broken. The doctor said "we're staying."Now this is where it hit home. "You're not going back to work you're staying until you have a baby, probably within the next 24 hours"
(!!!!)
Now let me be clear. I was NOT in labor. I was barely dilated, only 1 cm. I had zero contractions. In fact they needed to induce labor. Since they didn't know how long my water had been leaking, the risk of infection was increasing by the hour since the water is what protects the baby and it was now fully exposed. Add on to the fact I had been taking baths morning and night... well time was of the essence. The benefits of waiting for me to naturally go into labor were far outweighed by the risks of infection.
At noon they induced me. And I felt nothing. For hours. This is labor? Well sheesh that's not so bad. The worst part was the penicillin antibiotics which stung so badly I gasped in pain. I complained to the nurse that it was taking so long and I wasn't in any pain and wasn't I supposed to be feeling SOMETHING? "Careful what you wish for." She smiled knowingly.
5pm-7pm The Going Gets Tough:
At 5pm the doctor came in and since I hadn't progressed she asked if she could break the rest of my water. They theorized that my leak was a very small leak at the top of my uterus- as small as a pinprick, and there was still a good deal of water left.By this time we had a good number of folks- our little fan club if you will. His Mom and stepdad. My folks. Later my sister joined around 9pm.
We kicked them out of the room and the doctor broke my water.
Oh My Gaw. Contraction City! "How long before I can go into the tub?"
"20 minutes"
TWENTY MINUTES?! Oh. My Gaw. Owwww. Pain. Levels. Increased. (Careful what you wish for indeed.)
The Rest of the Countdown:
I stayed in the bathtub until around 7pm. The warm water was definitely helpful but midway through I hit my first wall and begged for an epidural. Now. The nurse came in and explained that I could have an epidural but I'd have to be confined to the bed.Next! No way. The last thing I wanted was to be confined to the bed, immobile. I was already on continuous monitoring which was bad enough.
The nurse explained my other options for pain medication and I took a pain medication by IV. But it would only last 1-2 hours and I could only have a total of 2 doses.
It took the edge off but didn't greatly reduce the pain. It did reduce my panic and from that point on I was able to get through the rest of the birth without any further medication or an epidural.
8:30 pm
Another exam5 cm!
90% effaced
-1 station (which i still don't know what that means but apparently maps the progress of the baby down the birth canal)
9:35pm
7 cm!Things are moving along now.
9:55pm
Here's where I get cranky.I ordered people to stop touching me. To stop talking to me. That if they needed to say something, they had two seconds before I'd close my eyes again so it had better be quick and important. At this point I also ripped off the monitoring devices from my stomach. I apologized to the nurse. She said she'd keep putting it back on. I told her I'd keep ripping it off and I was so sorry.
There was one classic moment where a relief nurse came in to give my nurse her break. The relief nurse told Kevin and the interpreter "Tell her... contractions are like moving furniture. The more friends you have, the easier it is." Oh. My. Gaw. She wanted to tell me THAT?!
10:10 pm
8cm
10:35pm
9 1/2 cm
I WANT TO PUSH!!! But it's not allowed. Garrrh.
10:50pm
Anterior Lip (cervix)
11:20 pm
Fully effaced
10 cm
11:30 pm
Started pushing
Yes! This was perhaps the hardest part of the labor physically but it brought the most relief. It felt so GOOD to be able to push. Painful to be sure, but productive.
12:30 am
+1 station
Somewhere in the fog of time between 12:30 am and the birth:
Ring of Fire! Oh. My. Gaaaaw.
2:05am
Birth
Total pushing time: 2.5 hours
But honestly it didn't feel like 2.5 hours. It was over so quickly and yet each push felt like an eternity. It's hard to explain how that contradiction of terms actually reconciles but I was so focused on each push that time ceased to exist. And my head definitely went "elsewhere." I was so present and yet so very far away at the same time.
In retrosepct- pain management, pushing and temperment:
With the exception of my freakout in the tub, I was able to use different pain management techniques. Breathing predominantly. I used the the tub. The birthing ball. The rocking chair. The toilet. The interpreter on call was amazing and we really lucked out. She was also a birth doula and this was her 37th birth. In the beginning I didn't use her doula skills but it wasn't long before I quickly reverted my decision and I am so grateful. I would never have another birth without a doula present. It literally made the difference for me to be able to get through the birth without further medication or an epidural. That and my fear of needles/being confined also prevented me from seriously considering an epidural again.
For pushing I tried on my side and back but it wasn't very productive. The birth bar with a sheet wrapped around it so I could pull myself up worked out great for me. I must have done 400 long push ups that way. My arms and neck the next two days were wrecked from fatigued muscles. They're not kidding when they say labor is a marathon- you are literally getting a workout. I swear that in my post birth pictures my arms actually look skinnier.
Towards the very end, those final few dozen pushes, I envisioned the baby as a girl. And it got me through it- wanting to see my baby girl. Up to that point, I had no real sense if I was having a boy or girl.
The nurse also gave me a great visual which aided me with my final pushing "Envision pushing the baby up-and-out." Tres bien! Very useful.
When she was born, the ironic thing is I no longer cared if we were having a boy or girl. I told them not to tell me, that I didn't care and I just wanted my baby in my arms. It took a few (short) minutes before Kevin and I asked.
Kevin was amazing and incredibly supportive. He gave me water and chap stick on command. He helped out with pain management techniques, especially in the beginning and middle. At the end I didn't let anyone help me- I just did my own thing (breathing, going into "the zone"), with my eyes screwed tightly shut. I couldn't have done it without him there.
He also forgave me for my transgressions "No. Not like that. How many times do I have to tell you..."
Apparently I was articulate, although I hope I wasn't too mean. I tried so hard to communicate effectively...
Overall I had an immensely positive experience. NW Hospital and the nurses were fantastic. I'd go back there in a heartbeat. The interpreter/doula was an absolute blessing. Kevin was a trooper and made me so proud. The birth, while unexpected and not as we planned, was ultimately a healthy one and I have no regrets with anything that happened. In fact, I'm quite pleased with how it went.
