Panic Button:
It has taken quite some time for those "oh my god what are we doing/oh my god would someone please push the pause button/time-out button... oh my god we're not ready for this" moments to decrease in frequency and intensity. We realize how wholly unprepared and unready we are, and realize equally how impossible it is to be ready and prepared. We pity the child and hope it won't mind us practicing on it as we try to figure this being-parents thing out.
The Awe-some responsibility:
It has also taken nearly the entire pregnancy to wrap my poor head and heart around the reality that I will have another human being in my life, in my house, in my heart. Not some vague cute-baby-creature to fawn over and cuddle with. But another human being. It is an enormous, nearly unfathomable, responsibility and it is something that brings me to my knees.
Yes. Truly. A Baby. A Child Of My Very Own.
Because this baby was a surprise. And because I harbored secret, grave doubts about our ability to conceive, something so private to me that I did not share with loved ones. And because we made so many lifestyle choices based on the very-real possibility it would be just the two of us for many years to come.... it was hard to accept and believe that we were and still are truly pregnant. That the baby is truly fine. The baby is going to be fine. And it's my miracle.
What will you do when (insert random baby/parenting situation here):
I read books upon books. Articles upon articles. I listen with respect to women, grandmothers, mothers, sisters, children. Parenting. Nursing. Sleep Training. Potty Training. Discipline. Philosophies. I look at Kevin and wonder what he thinks. Then I ask. And I don't like his answer, but I don't have a better one. So I read more. And then I wonder why the heck I'm doing all this reading for when I should be cooking meals to freeze. So then I go take a bath, read a spy novel and ask Kevin to make me chocolate milk and toast because I've freaked myself out well and good.
No comments:
Post a Comment