Baby Measurements

We had our check-up today. From now on we'll go back every week to see how things are progressing, until the baby is born that is.

I've gained 6 pounds in about 3 weeks- which is the most I've gained the entire pregnancy. I lost weight the first trimester, gained some of it back the second, and this third trimester has been a very slow gain of 1 pound every 3-4 weeks. So I'm now 4 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight.

The baby's position is head down and VERY low in the birth canal/pelvis. The doctor says it's not going any where. Which is a huge relief to me - I was worried it would be breech.

She verified that my cervix is thin but she opted not to check to see if I was dilated because it was too painful and she felt it wasn't necessary to know that information right now/cause me unnecessary pain. "Next time it'll be a different story" ... and she'll have to check.

The heartbeat was slower this time- around 134 beats per minute as the baby was resting.

The amniotic fluid levels are at about 13 percent, exactly where it needs to be (between 5 and 20 is the acceptable range).

On the ultrasound, we saw the baby shaking it's head slowly back and forth- already seeming to master telling us "no." That was pretty funny.

The femur (leg bone) is measuring at 37 weeks as did the baby's abdomen. The head is measuring at 40 weeks but because it was so low in the pelvis, she felt the measurement wasn't likely to be as accurate. She'll do the measurements/formulas and let us know the estimated weight soon. Apparently we're still having a "very" big baby or at least one that has big brains. They say it's not the weight you need to worry about, it's the circumfirance of the head. Yikes.

The doctor mentioned she wouldn't be surprised if it was soon. I also feel like the baby is coming sooner, rather than later and sincerely doubt we'll make it to the due date. I'm hedging my bets on next week.

The baby has been very active and I've had frequent sensations of my uterus tightening which probably accounts for why the baby is so low already. The so-called "unproductive" Braxton-Hicks contractions have been productively pushing the baby down into the birth canal, which is the goal at any rate. This baby knows what it's doing and where it's going.

Consequently, things at home will be moving along at a rapid pace trying to get things done.

Kevin's going to paint our bedroom (it needs another coat) and the trim (which there are miles of) this weekend and he will finish up a couple house-hold projects and baby projects. He will also wash the baby linens (clothes, blankets, etc) and install the car seat.

I'll be at my mom's house avoiding paint fumes and helping my Mom finish the baby mobile and the window seat cushion, the last two projects that remain for the nursery.

Then the baby can come. I'm voting for Tuesday.

A few of my favorite websites

Email Lists:

I enjoy getting weekly emails from The Baby Center and The Bump that gives me the 411 on information pertaining to the baby's development in the womb that week. There's also advice and tidbits for the pregnant woman as well such as how to sleep comfortably at night and medical/nutritional tips.

Mommy Blogs:

I have two favorite mommy blogs that I check in on frequently.
www.becoming-mom.net
www.bellydiaries.blogspot.com

Other:

I stumbled on a Better Brains for Babies website recently that I enjoy. I also recommend the resource list on the website as well
http://www.fcs.uga.edu/ext/bbb/index.php

Happy Reading!

What I've Been Reading

I'm an avid reader. I can read quickly, tackling a good-sized book in an evening or two. While I've been reading my share of spy novels, war novels, detective/mystery novels...I've also read my way through a mini-library of books on pregnancy. As I approach my due date, I've shifted gears and have been picking up books on parenting and newborns.

I don't imagine I will be able to read much once the baby is born, but I'm hoping to read as much as I can in the next couple of weeks. If you have any good books on parenting and/or babies to recommend, let me know!

Read Lately:

Five Love Languages of Children - lots of theory but interesting.



The Happiest Baby on the Block - very useful/practical.




Mothering without a Map- I'm almost done. Fantastic book and eye-opening.

On My Shelf/To Be Read:

What to Expect the First Year

Wish List:

Parenting with Love and Logic
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
A gazillion books on attachment parenting and more below...

The Nursery

Things are going great. A cousin of Baby Green's was born yesterday. Remember the photo in the first blog post? The announcement on Alyssa's shirt turned out to be a new little brother.

Our nursery is almost done. Crystal and I are both really pleased with the way it's turned out. We sometimes stand in the doorway admiring the room with goofy grins on our face. I'm a little jealous because I think the baby's room is nicer than our own bedroom.

A quick 5 minute shower posting

The shower was this past Sunday.

I'll have more time later this week to post a more detailed account of the shower. But this short entry will have to suffice for now until I have a little more time.

The shower was beyond amazing. My sister Kim and my friend Nicole did an amazing job working together to make it happen as well as all the womenfolk who helped out behind the scenes in the kitchen and beyond (a shout out to Julie, Patti, Jennifer). You guys rock!

One picture below of me opening a gift. Credit to photographer Caryl Fielding. More coming soon!

The dogs- the other babies

I watch the dogs and think about how they their family is going to grow too and what changes the baby will bring to their lives and routine. I tell myself I should start to wean them from the expectation that they can always count on me to give them attention when they ask for it. I try to resist petting them so frequently and cuddling with them as often so they doing have to deal with the additional of a baby AND a less-available Crystal at the same time. But I haven’t succeeded in this and I wonder if I’m setting them up for heartbreak and potential behavior issues. And then I reflect on how being a parent means making hard decisions like this and if I can’t even do this for my dogs, how am I going to do it for a child.

Bailey will be watchful, protective and vigilant, just as she is with us- never letting us out of her sight and always curious about what human-activities we are up to.

Ginger will be playful and will embrace opportunities to cuddle. She'll be fine sleeping nearby when the baby sleeps and will wake up when the baby wakes. She'll probably be enthusiastic and will protest if she doesn't get her turn with the baby.

Both will have issues around stuffed animals as well as toys. And potentially shoes/socks. And definitely books especially if the books are old. So we'll have to watch for the general destruction of the baby's property. Poor kid.

Creating Life and Confronting Death

Because I thought I was alone in this...

I have talked with a couple recent mothers lately about their realizations of how fragile life is while they were pregnant and how much more they appreciate their partners/worry about their partners.

Like me, other women have admitted that they too fear losing their partners too soon- that a trip to the grocery store takes on extra meaning. They hug their partners a little longer and say I love you more frequently. They have dreams of their partners dying or being lost and unable to find them.

These are independent, self-made women who have "chosen" to be in a relationship freely and just as freely have always told themselves the door was always open to walk out.

They now have to grapple with overwhelming feelings of dependency, of primal needing to the point where if their partner leaves for the store to get milk and bread, they break out in a cold sweat thinking about how many dangers that trip is fraught within those few blocks.

Those who know me, who have grown up with me, or who have watched me grow up, who live with me... also know that I am not generally consequence-motivated. I am not terribly future-minded. I have always lived for the moment. Sometimes it means seeking instant-gratification, an escaping of responsibility, and an acceptance of easy answers. But it is also a strength.

Living for the now enables me to respond quickly in a crisis, to manage the complexities of any given moment and avoid the complications of "what-ifitis" that consequences to my actions may bring. And so for me, death- the ultimate and inevitable consequence of living, like many of my young counterparts, has been something rather abstract that happens to other people in other lives and hovers only around the periphery of my own life.

I do not fear death myself but I grieve the loss of those around me. The loss of a partner, the loss of a child, the loss of family members. Not because I worry about "what if" but I understand "what will".

It is not a crippling realization- it has been freeing and opens my heart instead of locking it. I have more appreciation in my life where I can practice profound gratitude, and be clear minded about what is important to me. How temporary and short it is, this life. I so look forward to my days today and those that wait just beyond. And in that sense, I still live for the moment, but more fully and with my eyes open.

Feathering the Next Within: Emotional Readiness

Panic Button:

It has taken quite some time for those "oh my god what are we doing/oh my god would someone please push the pause button/time-out button... oh my god we're not ready for this" moments to decrease in frequency and intensity. We realize how wholly unprepared and unready we are, and realize equally how impossible it is to be ready and prepared. We pity the child and hope it won't mind us practicing on it as we try to figure this being-parents thing out.

The Awe-some responsibility:
It has also taken nearly the entire pregnancy to wrap my poor head and heart around the reality that I will have another human being in my life, in my house, in my heart. Not some vague cute-baby-creature to fawn over and cuddle with. But another human being. It is an enormous, nearly unfathomable, responsibility and it is something that brings me to my knees.

Yes. Truly. A Baby. A Child Of My Very Own.
Because this baby was a surprise. And because I harbored secret, grave doubts about our ability to conceive, something so private to me that I did not share with loved ones. And because we made so many lifestyle choices based on the very-real possibility it would be just the two of us for many years to come.... it was hard to accept and believe that we were and still are truly pregnant. That the baby is truly fine. The baby is going to be fine. And it's my miracle.

What will you do when (insert random baby/parenting situation here):

I read books upon books. Articles upon articles. I listen with respect to women, grandmothers, mothers, sisters, children. Parenting. Nursing. Sleep Training. Potty Training. Discipline. Philosophies. I look at Kevin and wonder what he thinks. Then I ask. And I don't like his answer, but I don't have a better one. So I read more. And then I wonder why the heck I'm doing all this reading for when I should be cooking meals to freeze. So then I go take a bath, read a spy novel and ask Kevin to make me chocolate milk and toast because I've freaked myself out well and good.

Feathering the nest

I go into the nursery and look around, taking stock once again of what we have done and what still needs to be done. I mentally calculate costs and determine from which paycheck we will buy which items. And how many paychecks are left. Then I count the number of weekends are left for the projects that remain subtract how many of those weekends are designated for other things. And then I wonder how to cancel those other obligations so I can focus on getting things done at home.

Each week another section of the home is organized: a linen closet, a bathroom cabinet, a junk drawer, a dresser, a shoe rack. The urge to organize comes upon me randomly and suddenly and I just give in to them as they come and stop when the feeling passes.

I make lists. I make more lists. I cross things off and add more items. I’m forever throwing away lists and making new ones.

Inside my head I plan menus of meals to cook ahead and freeze. I tell myself “this weekend I need to start.” And I wonder if I need meals for two weeks or for six and I chide myself since my freezer isn’t remotely big enough. I divide meals into two smaller foil pans each so that we don’t eat lasagna for a week. And this is still, all in my head. And then I mentally remind myself to remind Kevin to make his corn chowder that only he can make taste good. And to divide it into two smaller batches so we’re not eating corn chowder for a week either. I fear boredom with my food.

I set up clothes for myself and the baby and neatly fold them into piles. Next to them are items for the hospital. I wonder if the outfit I picked for the baby is going to fit- if it will allow us to easily put the baby into the car seat and if it will irritate the umbilical stump. I worry about things like this. Nearby is a suitcase. I wonder what else I should pack for the hospital. Then I pack it and unpack it. Thinking about what is missing, what I still need. I know I should have it in the car and this bothers me.

We’ve bought the car seat and base and stroller frame and discuss where to get it installed and then inspected to make sure it is properly and safely hooked up. And in the meantime, it sits on our table in the breakfast nook- three huge boxes. That corner of the house has become an unintentional box stockade of fort-building potential.

We review the registry list and debate about what to add, what to remove. Did we register for too much? Not enough? Not enough of the important things and too much of the unimportant things? Then we wonder how do you know the difference?

Everything offered to us by others, we’ve accepted gladly, with the deepest appreciation and trepidation that our house is going to become a baby emporium. I harbor unrealistic fantasies that the baby stuff will stay in the baby’s room. I don’t dare tell other mom’s this because I know they will laugh and give me that knowing look, having thought the same things themselves, once upon a time when they too were naïve like me.

Organizing. Acquiring. Listing. Re-organizing. Re-acquiring. Re-listing. Feathering. Nesting. Night after night, weekend after weekend. Trying to ready things and ready our home.

The Waiting Time

It is so hard to come to terms with the reality that we're nearing the end. And I have mixed feelings about it, to be honest.

I'm not ready to be done.
I love so many things about being pregnant.

I love my ripening belly and the transforming of my body into something softer, curvier and more mother-like.

I love the sense of being claimed by womenfolk, the deep connection with womanhood, and the feeling of interconnectedness with the women in my life.

Above all of the things I love the most about my experience of being pregnant... it is that centering vortex that I will miss the most. It is where I reside quietly and privately. It is a grace-filled and solemn place, like an old forgotten church nave, where the outside world ceases to exist; the whirlwind of people and events cease to matter in the old ways. There, in my new found stillness, I am wholly consumed and focused by the life within. I have carried with me the constant sense of place and time of an ethereal other-world. There, I have had a private conversation within my body and have experienced a sense of wholeness and oneness that is selfishly, all my own. I'm not ready to give that up.

I'm ready to be done.
I continue to count my blessings that the pregnancy has been uneventful, healthy and the baby has been fine. But it is taking a toll on me. Physically the last few weeks have been harder. I'm sleeping less, my body aches in places I didn't used to ache. Standing up, sitting down, walking, bending over, putting my clothes on... little mundane everyday tasks are becoming increasingly challenging. The baby is larger, has less room and positions itself in such a way that I'm always aware of a settling in my back, a pinching in my lower regions, a squashing of my organs, a constricting in my lungs. I long to return my body to some semblance of normality where those sensations are not a part of my every waking minute.

And so now I wait. I wait for the ending. I wait for the beginning. I wait for the before/after chasm to appear in my life. I wait for one chapter to end and another to begin. I wait patiently. I wait impatiently. I wait with both joy and trepidation. But most of all, I just wait.

In the safe zone

We're less than 6 weeks away from the big day. Really, Crystal could go into labor anytime and the baby should be safe. 4o weeks is full term, but the doctors say anything after the 34th week is gravy.

We got a little nervous last weekend because Crystal wasn't feeling the baby moving around as much as usual so we called the doctor and she had us come into the hospital for a few tests. The nurse strapped Crystal and Baby up to a couple monitors and reassured us that everything was fine. With Crystal's belly hooked up to the loudspeaker, we could hear the baby jumping around like some kind of juiced up dancing flamingo (flamingos get juiced up and dance...right?).

The nurse said Crystal probably couldn't feel it that morning because of the baby's position. It may have been facing inward and kicking that way instead of facing outward and kicking that way. Like every other nurse, doctor or ultrasound technician who has inspected the contents of Crystal's stomach, this nurse laughed and made a comment about how active the little Green is. Crystal and I are really starting to worry that once this little guy or girl is mobile, we'll be constantly chasing it. I can just picture us running down the road as our semi-clothed kid dances after passing cars.

Crystal also visited her doctor last week for a routine checkup. The baby's growth has slowed to normal levels. Not too long ago, it was growing suspiciously fast, but the latest measurement puts Crystal's uterus only 1cm larger than expected instead of 3cm larger than expected.

Everything looks healthy!